I am my own worst enemy. I can’t remember how many times I’ve heard that expression before, but never has it been more real and in-my-face than it is right now.
I feel that God is calling me to do something very specific. And that thing isn’t so hard to accomplish as it is to Just-Get-Off-My-Butt-And-Do-It.
I have prayed for and received confirmation through external circumstances and His word that this longing in my soul that I’ve had for quite some time to write and blog is something I should absolutely act on. It is, on one hand, an awesome and exciting thing to know that God wants to use me in this particular way, yet on the other, it is somewhat overwhelming.
I find myself asking God, “Me? Really????” Why would He ask this of me when I am just…so…Me??? Me forgets things all the time. All the time. Me isn’t very organized. Me has been accused of living with her head in the clouds. Me goes to bed when she’s tired instead of staying up all night cleaning or doing laundry. Me would rather sit on the couch and scratch my kids’ backs instead of well, really, pretty much anything else in the whole wide world. (OK, OK. Guilty. I am totally in love with my little Brown-Eyeds) 🙂
I have been hesitant to write this post because I knew that when I did, I would no longer be able to hide from His call without a sense of accountability to those of you who read my blog. If I never told you about the life-changing/bolt-of-lightning moment I had a few weeks ago, you would never know that I am being asked of God to write. This blog, specifically.
I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I haven’t been given any special instructions to do anything other than open my blog, click on “New Post” and write what He tells me to. And it’s a daily thing. He doesn’t place anything on my heart until I do the thing He is asking me to do. Point. Click. Write.
The biggest “thing” for me to overcome is my desire to see some tangible proof that my blog is successful. What defines “success” anyway? Am I wanting worldly success or Godly success? Because those are often two diametrically opposing views. I realize now that that what I’ve been asking for is for my human (read: limited) eyes to see something that I can comprehend as a favorable response to my blog. When I think of it that way, I need to just calm down and get over myself. I need to know that although my readership isn’t huge or even growing, it is exactly as God wants it to be right now.
All I have is you. And God thinks that is enough. So I choose to submit myself and my need for human affirmation to Him, and just write.
Thank you for reading. May you be blessed.